i couldn't get to sleep. when you're alone on the bed & listening to REALLY nice songs, your mind starts to wander. mine did.

mistakes. the ones we made during the various phases of our lives. has it ever hit you that dang, i've never learned from any of those mistakes i made? let's talk about the easiest subject, shall we? relationships. the tears we cried for those boys. the anger we felt with those boys. inevitable, i'd say.

let me share with you the stories of some of the boys who actually hit me hard. i shall give them protected identities so as not to disappoint those whom i thought have not been significant at all. but if you know the story of my life, you'd know who these people are.

there has only been 2 who has been truly significant. no idea why i'm feeling a wee bit melancholic. it must be the comfortable silence of the night.

i was in secondary 3. still very young, i would say. i was into the idea of friendships blossoming into relationships. i had this frigging notion that my best guy friends would make good boyfriends. M came along. he was there, listening to my rants and woes. almost every single night. M did not strike me as someone who would just be with any girl. i wanted to be THE girl. so we did get together. M was warm. he was someone who will always provide a listening ear. that was one of the qualities i liked about him. a simple misunderstanding ended it all. i was wilful and i wanted a perfect relationship. which i know now is impossible.

what's so significant bout M? it has been almost 5 years but i can still talk to him bout anything. he gives his honest opinions and thoughts. and that's what i respect bout him. not one to hold grudges, he is a friend for keeps.

i was 18. when B stepped into my life. you can call it a whirlwind romance. we were happy. we thought we were made for each other. we thought wrong. a simple fracture in the relationship caused everything to spiral downwards. god knows, i tried so hard to get through this invisible barrier that B refused to let down. it was heartbreaking to watch your own relationship succumbing to unwanted feelings that inevitably led to the end of it.

B's significance was great. tho we had our fair share of problems, he taught me to be patient. to be less wilful. to put someone before myself. to share.

and i'm so glad i got to meet baby at this point in my life. a point when i have gone through a few setbacks and pitfalls usually experienced in relationships. every lasting relationship has to always start from a point, right? so let's make 05/02/05 our point, darling.

you & i. always.