drained

i do not know why but i always need to have some background music when writing an entry.

ok that was totally redundant.

o well. again, let me remind you readers that whatever you read here is never to be discussed with me. no questions asked. no follow-up elaborations from me. no snotty comments. no anything. just take it as it is.

so yeah. i have been feeling pretty jaded these past few weeks. i adopted this i-cannot-be-bothered attitude and i took things as they come just like that. physically, i have not been well too. maybe it's the late nights that result in the frequent headaches and MY EYES HURT GODDAMN IT. i'm drained, totally tired, mentally and spiritually tired. it all started from the point when the school started doing its major hiccups and it got me thinking that this is not what i want. i want bigger things. also, i'm sick and tired of doing the same things over and over again. things have slide into a monotone plus i have no freedom to do what i want to do and it was just so sickening that it was really doing weird things to my brain and today, i could not take it anymore.

i broke down and cried. i sat down thinking of how tired i am and the tears started flowing. i cried, cried and cried. not a good idea when i was not wearing waterproof mascara. in fact, now, writing about how tired i am has got tears welling up in my eyes. i, who used to always be so sure of myself and my feelings, am having an emotional breakdown.

maybe it's the birthday blues. turning 21 this year has not changed a single damn thing. there's too much to write but i have lil' to share.

please god, make my birthday this year an extraordinary one. let me be the happy lil' girl who once thought she had everything going for her. make me happy. chase away all these negative vibes. let me be tired no more. make me glow on the 24th.